Dissapointment

It is unfortunate that unhappiness is a fact intrinsic to life-but such a fact is one that is, to me,  undeniable. Disappointment and upsets occur when there is a dissociation between what is expected and what is true. As such I find myself growing pessimistic-reclining to the serenity of low expectations. Even with such a noble prospect in mind, as a human it quickly became apparent that optimism and hope may be feelings that are intrinsic to our very existence. When I found out that I neither got into Berkeley or UCLA I felt that it was the expected outcome-but the human side of me still exhibited a peculiar sense of irrational despair despite my already low expectations. I was angry at my own incompetency, my lack of talent, and my overall mediocrity and as such fell into a state of depressive introspection. My discontent multiplied to such a degree that I turned to physical torment to alleviate my inner stress. It may not be wise to assess my own actions and attitude as it has only been a week, however, at this point in time I feel as though my negativity and physical outburst is justifiable to an extent. Society has a tendency to categorize and discriminate-consistently applying pressure upon those who don't fit the norm. My actions may characterize "craziness" or "depression" through the scopes of society but in my perception my actions were an act of rational self interest-simply an incurring of physical pain to alleviate a sensation of inner guilt and eternal despair-despair that is arguably far more tormenting than anything physical could ever induce. Would I prefer to have reacted differently? Sure, nothing is ever perfect, it is our strive towards perfection that defines our character. Do I regret my rash reactions? No, I am only human.